Kamikaze planning holidays

by Jullian Angel

Kamikaze planning holidays cover art
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about

Expédiés contre un vaisseau américain sous peine d’exécution, les kamikazes japonais n’avaient rien de leurs fanatiques héritiers. Eux étaient désignés martyrs. Toujours entre deux mauvais choix, le « kamikazien » moderne s’incarne aussi bien trader que sans-papiers, ou artiste. Peu importe son rang, il fonce, moteur incendié. Promis au crash social. Dans ses yeux, le portrait-souvenir d’un bel échappatoire enfui, devant lui la paroi du cuirassé... Peut-il encore esquiver, prendre congé autrement ? Vers un ailleurs moins rebattu donc.

Car aux élans Walkyriens, ce franc-tireur préfère la B.O. d’un fervent murmure. Hormis son lest poétique, il voyage léger, un voile ténu sur le chœur. Eraflée sa carlingue, mais on y coche la foi en prime, à défaut de victoire. Les grandes vacances attendront. D’abord trouver les bonnes questions, puisque « la vie était la réponse »... Lui rétorquer avec élégance : « Et pourtant, je t’aime ».

credits

released 21 February 2011
Written, produced, performed, recorded & mixed by Jullian Angel

Additionnal vocals and Flute by Valerie Leclercq (aka Half asleep)

Mastering by Bruno Green (www.silentmasters.com)

Photos by Thomas Baltes (www.thomasbaltes.com)
Artwork : Jullian Angel & Thomas Baltes

Escape Fantasy / Les Disques Normal - 2011

tags

tags: jullian angel acoustic folk france indie kamikaze pop rock songwriting strong Lille

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Track Name: Live on beauty
I recall the night when you spoke of giving birth...
We were torn about laying down a soul on earth.
You said you’d be a mother, one day.
The chosen father was read in your tears...

Any eyes will dry, and some great words come untrue.
Now I miss the life I was meant to have with you.
For all you gave, I might dearly pay,
Thinking of when love was read in your tears.

And I just don’t find if there’s truly one right answer,
To all I question why, if a child would’ve been our shelter...
For now I can’t be safe on my own,
I live on the beauty of what was read in your tears...

The beauty of what I read in your tears.
Track Name: Years and seconds
Time is made of seconds that will matter like years,
And time is made of years that should matter like seconds...

When I try to remember you as a few instants,
You’re always here like many years in my existence.

In two long minutes, you can live a great story.
With five more minutes, you may doom your destiny.

But if your life is wasted,
Maybe you can replace it...
And though you feel rejected
It doesn’t prove you can’t fit.

Time is made of years that should matter like seconds,
And time is made of seconds that will matter like years...

When I try to know the one who shared such good moments,
It always dwells like someone else in my remembrance.

Into your looking, I once read the whole story.
Now through your looking, I still watch for a remedy.

But if your life is wasted,
Maybe you can replace it...
And though you feel rejected
It doesn’t prove you can’t fit.

Between your lies of despair
And your illusions of release,
Don’t make that while your nightmare.
Or you know it won’t ever cease...
Track Name: White on red
I sang a little prayer, before my blood was shed.
And I felt the end of times, I heard it from the dead.

No one should be my saviour, no human loving face,
When god early bore the crime, for my own bleeding trace.

“But this time,
Falling down won’t make you drown”

Life brang a little radiance, after my blood was shed,
As I saw the dawning light, reflected white on red.
Reflected white on red...

“And this time,
Falling down won’t make you drown”

Somehow it made the difference, bleeding’s not only wail.
And I couldn’t lose the fight to run from the absurd jail.
Run from the absurd jail...
Track Name: Insane men are locked outside
Put my life in a song,
Make it nice to sing along.

Put my words in your voice,
Now you have no other choice.

“Do you think it’s real what we’re living here ?
Say, do you think it’s real what we’re doing here ?”

Put my life in a song,
Make it right to sing along.
Cut the wrong.

Put my grief in your voice,
‘Cause you juste have no other choice.
Now it’s yours.

“I always had my TV on for company...
I didn’t watch a thing, it was my company”

And the insane men are locked outside...
I know the insane men are locked outside.
Track Name: The Strong
I’ve seen the weak and sad one, out of the mirror.
In front of this look, I no more feel trouble linger.

I’ve seen the fake gods handing pills,
While I’ve been out dealing songs.
They let the mortals break their skills,
And make me part of the strong.

I’ve heard the sick and wild one, out of my own brains.
In front of these words, I no more feel my swollen chains.

I’ve seen the fake gods handing pills,
While I’ve been out dealing songs.
And how the mortals break their skills,
Does make me part of the strong.

They fix some artificial life for the living dead,
But they won’t blow the human sore away, out of their heads.

And I’ve been a fake god in my way,
Trying to learn from his men.
This is the role I’m led to play ;
Although I tightly work my pen,
On how I wish I was born again,
They think I’m part of the strong...

I must be part of the strong.
Track Name: Scarred
I’m not a prophet that you can trust when you please,
And I’m not a preacher that you let talk for your ease.

If I were the relation your life should reach,
Why did you let me down in a low breach ?
And if I spoke the needed words to wake your soul,
Now let them work things out and keep their role.

You made me the heart of your escape fantasy,
But I was not a vision or whatever, only “me”.

I’m not a model that you follow when you please,
And I’m not the poet you may once quote, but not seize.

If I were some ideal that your life should greet,
How did you go this blind to the one you wished ?
And if I stole a miracle you wouldn’t preserve,
Why did you get so high for the love we served ?

You made me the heart of your escape fantasy,
But I was not a vision or whatever, only “me”.
And ever since you decided to stop your dreaming,
I’ve got to deal with what you scarred as a real thing.

And I’m not giving up on you,
No, I’m not giving up on living.
Now my blood knows what to do,
Yet it’s still rushing for your loving.

Well, you may be a “gift from God”,
But his message I haven’t got...
And my blood knows what I’m feeling,
When it’s flowing for a living.
Track Name: A choice
Every man is right to go away,
Every man is right to ever stay.
When you’re the only one who knows your pain,
And everything you’ve done was all in vain ;

Then you have a choice that life won’t take,
Then you hear a voice that love can’t break.
And it says “it might never get better”.
Can your faith in time rewrite the future ?

Everyone is right to find relief,
Everyone is right to live with grief.
But when you’re face to face with your own curse,
When you still rove the place that made it worse ;

Then you have a choice that life won’t take,
Then you hear a voice that love can’t break.
And it says “it might never get better”.
Only faith in time can rule your future.

So you have a right to near the edge
Of your burden’s knife, and walk that ledge.
The dying man is not the one who bends,
But this who even lost the force to reach his end.

Still you keep a choice that life won’t take,
As you hear a voice that love can’t break.
When it says “it might never get better”,
Can your faith in time remake the future ?
Track Name: Saved by the monster
You drop down in a crack, and you’re rocked by the stir.
Yet nobody comes around, but a woman-like monster...
She’d bring you a rope, then she’d help you to climb,
Only you’re not to ignore she may have done a lot of crimes.

She cries : “Don’t be afraid, I won’t ask for your soul...
But I need you to accept that a monster got your saviour’s role.”

All you can think is “fear not the monster”.
All you can try is live near the danger.

Now you’re someone in debt, could you help her the same ?
Will you deem she’s but a threat, or try to seize her without blame ?

She says :
“If you wish I’d never been real, then you wish I’d never saved you...
I may not be a guardian angel, but I was the one for your rescue.”

All you can think is “fear not the monster”.
All you can try is live near the danger.

“Fear not the monster, live with your danger”
Now you can’t deny she’s breathing in the same world.
“Fear not the monster, live with your danger”
You’ll never forget she’s walking on the same earth.

“Fear not the monster, live with the monster !”
Saved by the monster...
Track Name: Your half-open door
So close to your half-open door,
I wonder what I’m looking for...
You don’t even turn and say “hi”,
Nor dare you once tell me “goodbye”.

And you won’t let me in through a clear gate,
But you don’t wholly close, round your cage.

Away from your half-open door
That I’ve passed again, like before.
My hope and despair look the same,
That feeling you’ve grown has no name.

And you won’t let me in through a clear gate,
But you don’t wholly close, round your cage.

No, you won’t let me in through a clear doorway.
And my choice now’s between two equal bitter fates...
I am caught in the loveless nights you lay,
While you make me a ghost at your gates.
Track Name: Truce
That is the truce between the last and the next battle...
I get to like that moment, when you’re in the middle.
‘Cause while you simply realize it never ends well,
That’s not so bad to have a drink at the gates of hell.

And there’s nothing to justify,
No begging for a reason why...
Love may be damned, but never judged.
How would I ban all things I’ve loved ?

That is the truce between the last and the next struggle...
We get to like that wavering and make it bearable.
I’d be right to blame yesterday, or fear tomorrow.
By now, I’ve run out of need for the avenging blow.

And there’s nothing to justify,
No begging for a reason why...
Love may be damned, but never judged.
How could I ban all things I’ve loved ?

My hand in your wild hair
Is not moved by despair.
It’s what you let me dare,
To prove the links we share.

Now has nothing to justify,
I’m not begging for a reason why.
Love shall be damned, but never judged.
No one is banned from being loved,
Not even you, who made me plunge.
Track Name: Modern tragedy (taste for)
Gone to fight by his living,
Stared at, just like a star in whole daylight ;
There he comes,
A stranger in a venture...

His words have no ties.
Should they kneel, his soul won’t creep.
Those who listen, hear no lies.
And those who see him true,
Will never turn their eyes away.

I’ve laid a battlefield on the city,
Now don’t mess with me.
I have a taste for modern tragedy,
‘Cause that’s all I see.

And those who dare understand him,
Shall not wage the final stoning.
Those aware, who believe him,
Take the first stones,
Get them right off him.

I’ve laid a battlefield on the city,
Now don’t mess with me.
I have a taste for modern tragedy,
‘Cause that’s all I see.

I am the bullet, not the heart.
When I’m back in yours,
I’ll remind you of the start.

I am the bullet, not the heart.
I’ll come back in yours,
To revive it from the start.
Track Name: Faith (is not a bitter end)
Love, let me hold your grace,
Now you’re out of reach.
I will never doubt again what you made for me.
I would only hide in vain your haven’s beauty.

Love, let me know your face,
When you’re all I wish.
I was grateful to your chains, but you set me free.
Now I’m back on wider lanes, I still wait for thee.

My honest hope was broken,
Your hardest blow hit someone bared.
But when your door reopens,
My eyes won’t close, arriving there.

Come, and fill the lonely place
That you once had breached.
Life won’t hurt me anymore, by your hands so dear,
When I touch a better shore, rid of any fear.